11 Reason for Failure in Marriage and Relationship

Marriage in India and Asian Countries are moving on different levels. Over the past decades, the definition of marriage has changed a lot and many people are choosing to live with a partner without getting married, I mean to says Live-in-Relationship and separation ratio which is increasing in Asian countries because they are not satisfied with their partner and this is an alarming situation for us.

But have you ever thought of why these situations arise?  Why a sacred tradition of marriage is taken for granted? I have analysed and listed a few important reasons as to why modern marriages are getting destroyed.

Lack of Investment  We need training in the corporate then why not get attuned in the journey of marriage.

We always tend to invest money, time and resources in learning something new but we never give a chance to invest this time in the relationship.  Corporates invest lots of money and time on the employees to polish them but as a human, we never think of investing in our interpersonal skills to improve relationships with spouse and family members.

 

What are the investments needed in relationships?

The investment is love,  affection, attention, empathy and sympathy.  Understanding the other person needs without even uttering the words  other best skills which are needed to improve and maintain any type of relationship whether it is husband and wife,  mother and daughter, son and father or employer and employee

READ: 7 Magic Promise of Hindu Marriage

Unable to Forget the Spouse’s act

We as humans, tend to make lots of mistakes both in our professional and personal life. But why don’t we improve our personal life? In our professional roles, we always try to rectify our mistakes and move ahead but when we are in a marriage, we are unable to forget those past errors and keep the files of miscommunication, trauma,  hurtful incidents, bitter experiences in our subconscious mind.

 These traumatic and bitter experiences (your feelings) do not allow you to calm down and be at peace. You start complaining and harbouring the past experiences.

It is seen that those who are unable to forget their past mistakes, aren’t happy with themselves nor can lead a good social life. Hence forgetting the past mistakes is necessary for a healthy married life.

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Do not show concern for your spouse

Marriage does not mean to show love and affection only during the good times but it is important to show your emotions/concern to your partner in difficult times also, especially in case of severe loss and critical times such as accident, child loss, bankruptcy, loss of near and dear one. This opens up the free communication about your situation, your inner conflicts and gives your spouse the strength to cope up with the difficult phase.

One also needs to understand the partner’s emotions in such situations without communicating with her/him.

 Ask yourself,

Are we able to communicate at soul level OR are we judging our soul mate?

Are we Friends in Marriage or Just a Couple

Marriage Does not mean only to act as a couple for society or family. It is more of a compassion and close associate of your ( A friend ) to whom you share your complete life without even hesitating as how will a person react to my words/actions?

In Hindu Script in saptapadi –it is mentioned that A soul mate is also known to be his/her best friend throughout his/her life.

The Expectation from Spouse is Extremely High

Yes, one of the most crucial factors in every marriage is that S/he expects a lot from his/her spouse from every aspect of life especially in Indian families where every woman is expected to copy her in-laws’ lifestyle ranging from cooking, taking care of husband, in-laws, house to various other family responsibilities. It should be understood that one cannot copy other people’s skills or characters because every individual is different compared to other humans.

Do not express your feeling 

We do not express our feelings to the spouse, maybe there is a lot of hesitation and fear of unknown origin which holds back the person. It is advisable to communicate with the partner at frequent intervals rather than waiting for the other person to talk about your feelings.

EGO Level 

A high-end attitude in the partner always keeps the gate of communication closed. You may be a successful person, a CEO, Investor, Marketing Personnel in your professional life but at home, one must remove those hats of high designation. 

I have seen many people hesitate to join hands with their spouse at the household level in running the house and helping out their spouse in daily chores. They feel it’s not their job to do, they are VP/doctor/lawyer etc. These Job designation Egos disconnect them from their family and spouse.

Lack of Adjustment in current life

Lack of understanding of the spouse and immaturity also add to the failure of modern marriages. Many People lack flexibility, hence they do not want to change and adjust as required in an environment.

Societal Pressure and Status Quo

A major reason is that many boys and girls get married early due to societal and peer pressure. Why do we need to follow the norms of any culture or society of getting married just to avoid the sarcastic and snide comments of our relatives and friends?

We need to change our mindset of getting married just for the sake of making people happy. Sometimes getting married early without taking the consent of the boy and girl also leads to disturbance in married life.

In ancient Indian culture also, people got married after the age of 25 years, based upon the structure of 4 ashrams of life namely Brahmacharya, Grihastha, Vanaprastha and Sanyas Ashram.

In Brahmacharya ashram, a boy/girl should live a life of Brahmachari/brahmacharini and live a life of celibacy and get married after the age of 25 years.

Know each other well before marriage 

When we make comparisons between love and arranged marriage, we find many pros and cons in both the kind of marriages.

In Love marriage, the best part is we know each other’s positive and negative characteristics of personality as well as behaviour. We know how the person will react in certain situations.

Whereas in an arranged marriage, it takes time to match your frequency to the other partner. Hence, even after marriage (whether it is love or arranged), we need to know each other’s likes and dislikes and understand the mental and emotional factors which help you to match your love frequency with your partner without getting judged).

Let me know, How did you find this blog on”Why Relationships & Marriages in Modern times are not successful”?

Happy International Women’s Day.

Cheers,

Nirav